I think it is a slight advantage to be specific and comment on the individual action / idea in terms of your emotions / feelings i.e to speak subjectively
I'm going to deal first with a selection of negative ones.
e.g I'm upset that you said that, I think that it is not true, here is what I think the truth is....
I hate what I did yesterday, I'm really sorry, please forgive me, I know it was mean
I hate what you did there, I think you acted cruelly, I think that you did not do the caring things, I think you should have done this.... or done it in this way.....
Please do not talk like that about my friends, it is really offensive to me. If you value this relationship you will not tell me your views about my other friends
I realise that what I said was hurtful to you, I wish I could turn back time and take them all back but I'm sorry, I can't
I didn't want you to do it that way, I'm so disappointed with the way it has turned out. I can't afford to have it redone, I have spent alot of money on the materials and it just doesn't look the way I hoped. I should have got a professional, you meant well but you just don't have the skills.
I am very displeased with the quality of your work today, it just isn't acceptable to me. Could you rework it? I think that you need to make the following changes to bring it up to standard.....
I think that you did not do the best thing, I think it would have been better to do this... for these reasons.... since I think the priorities should have been ....
There are a number of things about him that I dislike and so I avoid his company
He has done one or more things in the past that I was shocked by and so I do not trust him, I give him a wide berth.
I'm sorry but the sound of his voice just irritates me, although there may be things about him that are very admirable I just do not want to be around to find out.
Oh no, it has been ruined, I'm devastated
Grief, it has broken, how depressing, how am I going to get the job finished now ?
I've forgotten, How frustrating ! How can I make sure that I remember to do it next time.
Frustration, I've forgotten
Gloom, the rain has come on, this will ruin the fair.
It's lamentable that you have forgotten to bring in your homework again.
This deadline is stressing me out, how am I going to get everything finished by then
That is really upsetting to me
I'm so unhappy about this situation, I don't know how I can sort things out. I can't see a solution to this situation.
Emotional literacy is an interesting subject. Does it make any difference what you say or do people get the drift anyway? Does it make any difference what words I use?
I think other people will be able to work out the drift of what I'm saying no matter what words I use. However maybe if I use exaggerated, generalised, obscure, vague, inaccurate language then they will be more likely to be misled by what I have said and think that I have stronger feelings about the subject than I really do.
Obviously there is value in speaking in a similar way to the people you live with. However the way people speak depends on who they are with, you might hear back the way you have chosen to speak to them.
